The constant overwhelming of sadness strikes me at the core of my very being unable to shake what i really feel unable to put my emotions aside. It just feels like my life is a constant lie!
i had my moments when i was sad from time to time and after a while i'd be OK but certain events that have happened in my life prove to much for me to cope and so my sadness remains.
there is no reason for this feeling, the wound in my heart is to deep for healing.. the scar keeps bleeding deep inside as it's bleeding in a place that will always hide.

Trying to figure out how to deal with this constant pain couldn't bring myself to tell my family nor friends of the hurt i had inside. i tried holding on the tears and pain.. not to let it out even tho "someone" from my PC kept on asking me what's wrong and i almost told him everything but in the end i shut my mouth up and sealed it. i am sorry. maybe i am not comfortable talking with you yet.

So i thought of finding a different way to deal with my sadness.

Reaching for a hand..a second chance for someone to help me before its too late..
still no one comes.
this is my fate. i guess.

so i cried.
i ain't joking.
i did cry, cry away with nothing to say, no-one to stop me in any way.
crying for help but nothing comes out,my emotions in fear... emotions of doubt.
Tears to the floor like blood galore.. smudged on my face from wiping the tears... the tears of disgrace. Gasping from pain,from all the years that put me down and searching for comfort but nothing was found. I look to my left.. then to the right. i know that i am alone...
alone in this world.

What a waste of all those dreams, all the wishes and all those tears that got me no where but where i am now? a life of bitterness.... a life so sour~
Not a care in the world i have in my head, my only wish now is that
"i wish i was _____________ "
yes.. that was stupid of me to ever think of it.
i know this breakdown day of mine will come, and it did... today..
i am having a breakdown moment.

after keeping all of this bottled up..
somehow.. someone came along when i really2 need someone to talk to, it never occur to me that you could actually ease a little bit of my so called misery as you always joke around and doesn't look serious. and i know i had made a mistake of giving you the first impression etc.. sorry. lastly i would like to thank you, i really do appreciate it a lot. i will smile and keep on smiling. and yes i know this "miss big ass" can look for you when Mood swing? lolz.

i did told nadz about all of the above. nadz thank you for being a listening ears throughout the years (2yrs ok!). ure really a great friend indeed!

and to my bestie Nor Farah Shah... IMY alot!
wish that we could spend our time like before.
i shall meet you soon ok! :)

for now.. i just need a time for myself.

- Fina-